Thursday, August 14, 2014

I don't wanna feel

threatened about that girl. Don't make me wait around and call me a holdup.. My dad expressed some message was specifically meant for me in a flippant way, like it is but then again it won't be answered to. Like some reason will be made up and I have to end up putting up with it. I obviously mean no offense but some defense. It's not that big a deal to some people, but this is a message I got. My dad continues to believe I am in trouble when he feels like it. I am not in more trouble than other kids's attitudes and I don't do anything to be in trouble. Wanna make me have cancer? Are you trying to turn me into a murderer? They seem to sympathize with me.

I realize it must be scary I just used the word "murderer" in the same post and paragraph as other things and people, but I mean no real harm.  In fact, my brother's dog just died.  They stopped walking him and stuff, like my aunt's dog dying a long time ago, a police dog.  He didn't bark to come in and does not come in usually when I ask.  I guess I just forgot. I just got a hamster, too, and can't take it out when I clean cuz it's a quick and could escape.  It has 2 rooms.  Someone else in my family's grandpa, unrelated, just died, as well.

I don't mean anyone harm, but no one has responded to the fact that I am considered well-behaved other than this foolishness, whereas I know they are jealous they are not.  I can't do anything to appease my life.  Imagine that.  Pretending I deserve something like this.  You want me with my dad so he can shit at me and diss me.  He can lie and I can't seem to do anything back.  I can, but then I can't.  He's not famous, he can shit if he likes and I'm in the same house.  No one'll know..  No one will be able to alter their situation.  I suggest ya'll get OUT of my life, ya'll so confused and all and scared I can make my own decisions.  Ya'll aren't helping.  I see myself dead in some ditch.

Might be scary I said I am afraid I will be killed in this, while you're in the same post and paragraph, as well.  I mean no one harm.  I feel upset that there's the idea I need to be close to my dad in a way I don't like and that there's a secret punishment ya'll are doing but won't own up to.  You can't do this to me.  Ya'll're disgusting.  Who the Hell do you think you are?